Well yeah, i really had to write a little something couse there,s a thing on my mind that i really have to get out of my freaking system . I,m sad , confused , hurt and even a little bit angry aswell couse some people still think that i,m a spoiled perfect little girl that has everything . And why do those people think that way about me ? SIMPLY Becouse i can go backstage whenever i go to a gig of Lordi . Yes people , welcome to my world couse once again , it,s happening . This is the  thing , i decided to go to the Bang Your head festival in Germany to see Lordi again together with a good friend of mine .  . I really think i deserve a little bit of fun after the whole thing with my mother . It wasn,t really easy to see your own freaking mother slowley fade away from a terible illness called Cancer . So i thought it would be a good idea to treat myself on something that can make me smile again . Okay the thing that i really don,t get is that those people think i have everything , i mean .. common , my mother has died two months ago , i can,t go out whenever i please becouse of my bad health condition , i can,t have a normal job becouse of that and sometimes i have to lay in bed for days , i have to go the hospital alot of times and those stupid pills i have to take everyday are making me even more sick than i already am , i don,t have that many friends . I can,t have a normal relationship becouse o,m like , terrified of men . They always treated me like crap and the really tried to break me and sadly .. it worked couse i don,t trust them anymore and just a little thing , a little touch already  makes my skin crawl and ofcourse it,s just impossible for me to be intimate with someone ..EVER !!!! Oh yeah , i also lost my own freaking baby when i was only 5 months pregnant and i saw my own unborn child laying on the floor right before my own freaking eyes . Do i have to contineu , i don,t mind couse i,m a roll . .. what do i have to say about my body that covered in scars and burnmarks , i have to hide everything when it,s like boiling hot in the summer becouse of the fact that it,s very easy to burst ..

And still people say that i have everything , i can tell you this ..I DON,T HAVE A GODDAMN THING ANYMORE .  I REALLY DONLT KNOW WHY PEOPLE SAY THAT ABOUT ME . I would switch places right away if i can get my mother back with that . Fine , you go backstage with Lordi ..if that would bring back my mother . .. i would do that woth no doubt . I miss her like crazy and i don,t understand this , i really don,t . I know that i wrote a yournal about this earlier but it,,s sickening to read and i makes me so damn angry . Every fucking time when it come to meeting Lordi i get this kind of shit , just fucking bullshit .. I can,t help it that the band and especially MR.Lordi likes me a person . i can,t freaking help that so please stop ..

Okay there,s so much more but this was the thing that was bothering me the most ..